“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you;

For everyone that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”                                                                                             -Matthew 7:7-8

We have all read and heard that scripture many times before. But how often have we felt that we are knocking hard enough to beat the door down, but it seems that no one answers? There are times in our lives where everything seems to be going OK, and we seem to be getting what we need or ask for. I suspect that during those times we really aren’t knocking very hard or asking very fervently. We accept that things are fine and get caught up in our daily lives.

However, when problems arise, and we find ourselves on stormy seas, when it seems we aren’t getting what we need, or we are facing crises in our lives, that at those moments, we intensify our knocking and the fervency of our asking increases. But sometimes during those episodes, it seems, no one is listening, or no one is home to answer the door

The Lord has promised that when we ask, we shall find, and when we knock, it shall be opened to us. Was He wrong? Does He abandon us?

In pondering this scripture, I have wondered why there are times when we ask and knock and get no answer, and I have determined that it matters what we are asking for; what we are seeking; why we are knocking. There have been times in my life, especially during particularly trying times, that the Savior opens the door, without my even knocking to provide strength and comfort. There have also been times when it seems all the knocking in the world has left the door firmly shut.

There have also been many times where I asked for what I thought were urgent, righteous needs, and never received. Sometimes, over time, I have recognized the wisdom of not getting what I asked for, but not always. But as I have thought about those times and this scripture, I have realized that it matters how we ask, and especially what we ask for. A lot of it comes down to what we want versus what we need.

The next verse in Matthew 7, verse 9, says, “Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will give him a stone?” and verse 10, “Or if he ask a fish, will give him a serpent?” These verses aren’t talking about childish wants. They’re talking about essential nourishment—bread and fish, sources of food. These verses aren’t telling us that God will give us whatever we want and ask Him for. They are teaching us that God will give us whatever we need and ask Him for. He will always nourish His children, strengthening them enough to face the challenges that come their way. But do we always recognize when he answers?

Using these as examples, I decided that I needed to change what I asked for from mere wants to essential needs. I then reflected back to previous prayers when I was asking for things that I thought were essential needs at that time, and I realized that almost all of the “needs” were temporal things – enough money to pay bills, a decent quarterly bonus to cover “expenses”, good grades on exams, certain plans to work out, etc. Some of these prayers were answered, many not. I realized that at the time, the “necessary expenses” were probably a lot of wants that really weren’t that necessary. Good grades on exams – did I study well enough, or did I just expect God to help me do well? Were the plans I wanted to work out what God wanted for me, or just what I wanted. Did I include God in those plans and get His approval before asking?

Most of these are temporal blessings, which are important, but how many times did I ask for necessary spiritual blessings? Perhaps I should have been asking for increased faith to accept God’s will, or increased strength of will to limit spending habits, or more determination and discipline to study harder. I need to focus on the bigger picture – what is eternally important.

Our prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, has said: “Pray in the name of Jesus Christ about your concerns, your fears, your weaknesses—yes, the very longings of your heart. And then listen! Write the thoughts that come to your mind. Record your feelings and follow through with actions that you are prompted to take. As you repeat this process day after day, month after month, year after year, you will ‘grow into the principle of revelation.’”

When we include our Heavenly Father in our plans, asking if they be right, we are much more likely to receive answers when we ask, because we are more likely to be asking for those things that are aligned more with what He wants for us. Even still, there will be times when we don’t seem to get answers. That can happen for many reasons, one being that it really isn’t important which of the choices we make are right, or perhaps those are times where we need to learn patience, to wait upon the Lord’s timing.

Maybe God is telling us to go back and do more diligent work and study about what we are asking for and maybe even why we are asking in the first place. By returning to “study it out in our minds” we can better identify our motives for petitioning the Lord. Is this something that will help me grow, or move closer to pour Savior and the Celestial kingdom? Will this help me grow and improve, or is this just something I want now? Many times when we ask, we think that we are asking righteously, that what we need will improve us, but that may not always be the case. Taking the extra time to ponder what we are asking for and why, will help us align our wills with God’s, and we are more likely get the answers we need.

There are also times when what we are asking for is righteous: we have studied it out and feel that is the right thing for us, but the answer is still no. Those are the most difficult times for us.

Elder Richard G. Scott has said: “It is so hard when sincere prayer about something we desire very much is not answered the way we want. It is especially difficult when the Lord answers no to that which is worthy and would give us great joy and happiness. Whether it be overcoming illness or loneliness, recovery of a wayward child, coping with a handicap, or seeking continuing life for a dear one who is slipping away, it seems so reasonable and so consistent with our happiness to have a favorable answer. It is hard to understand why our exercise of deep and sincere faith from an obedient life does not bring the desired result.”

It is important that we all understand that God knows the beginning from the end. He knows what we truly need, and what will help us ultimately gain those lessons and experiences we need to live with Him again.

Elder Scott continues: “When … trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more (see Prov. 3:11–12). He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion which polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.”

It’s still hard to accept the no answer, despite our best efforts. Elder Scott concludes be saying: “This life is an experience in profound trust—trust in Jesus Christ, trust in His teachings, trust in our capacity as led by the Holy Spirit to obey those teachings for happiness now and for a purposeful, supremely happy eternal existence. To trust means to obey willingly without knowing the end from the beginning (see Prov. 3:5–7). To produce fruit, your trust in the Lord must be more powerful and enduring than your confidence in your own personal feelings and experience.

To exercise faith is to trust that the Lord knows what He is doing with you and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though you cannot understand how He can possibly do it.” [General Conference, October 1995]

Having faith in our Savior Jesus Christ and trusting that He and our Heavenly Father know us and love us can get us through.

How we ask for things is also very important. As previously stated, if we are humble and faithful when we ask, we are more likely to get the answers that we need, but if we are focusing more on what we want, and we want what we want no matter what, then our petitions are unlikely to be heard and answered. Attitude is everything.

Finally, many times we ask, we seek. We knock, but it seems that our petitions are not answered. But, I ask, were our petitions not answered? Or were they just not answered in the way we wanted or expected? Maybe we didn’t recognize the answer. There have been many times in my life where I have asked for things and it seems that those petitions to the Lord were not answered. However, looking back, I realize that they were answered – just differently than I had expected. If we focus too much on how we want the answer, or are so narrow minded that we think there is only one answer, we will miss many answers and blessings from our heavenly Father, because the answer may be different than what we were expecting. If we continue to be humble, teachable and receptive to the Holy Ghost, we will better recognize the answers that we receive, even though those answers don’t come in the way we expect. Many of have numerous examples where this is the case. We can reflect on those times when we received answers from God, to increase our faith and draw us closer to Him.

I have felt God’s love for me. I have felt His tender mercies in my life. In times of deepest trial and despair, I have received reassurance that God and Jesus love me. I have felt their love. I know They live and love us, and that when we “ask … it shall be given [us];” when we “seek … [we] shall find;” and when we “knock, … it shall be opened unto [us].”